So what the heck do we want, anyway?

It could be said that we live in such a modern feminism-based society that women don’t care about chivalry anymore. I for one would argue that notion, as would many women. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Actress Betty White said:

“If you're walking with your lady on the sidewalk, I still like to see a man walking street-side, to protect the lady from traffic. I grew up with that, and I hate to see something like that get lost. I still like to see that a man opens the door. I like those touches of chivalry that are fast disappearing.” (qtd. By David Pang, Esquire)

Now, Betty White is the grand matriarch of everything in my opinion. A lady of great humor; humble and wise all at the same time. She said it, so it must be true for all women, right?  Not so fast. There is one question that remains to be answered and defined before chivalry in its true form could ever be revived, and that is: Do we want it?

There is a modern mess of feminism alive and well today, light years removed from the angry screaming feminists of the mid century.  Our mothers and grandmothers demanded equal pay, equal and fair treatment.  They abandoned the skirt, burned the bras, and wanted to be on the level of every man in their lives, whether colleague or husband. The truth is, this is 2012 and we have transcended such basic needs through accomplishment. Today, a woman doesn’t demand equality or to be taken seriously because we’ve achieved that. Today a woman demands something far more complex. We don’t need a man. We demand more independence, and many women even choose to raise children on their own. We have degrees, personal incomes, and a sense of freedom unmatched by previous generations. We are fearless and self-providing and we don’t need a man for anything! We have MOXIE, gentlemen. Oh, and could you please open that door for me?

SAY WHAT?

It’s no wonder that men today are utterly confused. We tell them to leave us to our own outstanding devices in the same breath in which we demand the common courtesies of yester-year. In a poll conducted by Redbook Magazine featured in an editorial of the Chicago Tribune, over 500 women were asked “Are feminism and chivalry compatible?”  Four out of five of those polled believed that men should still be opening doors for women.  Susan Korones-Gifford, articles editor at Redbook answers: "Feminists are focusing on bigger issues, but that doesn't mean that men shouldn't open doors for women, or women for men. It's just polite. Manners should transcend gender." (“Chivalry Counts”)

So what do women expect? The question is dicey, given the fact that a range of factors may influence the presence or absence of chivalry from one man to the next.  It seems that the biggest surprise I have found to date in my research is that women still want chivalrous men, yet too much is, well, too much. Where does she draw the line in the sand, and how the heck is a man supposed to decipher it?
The answer still requires a military-grade descrambling device, but so far I think that a woman still wants to be treated like a lady, regardless of her stance on feminism or independence. Did chivalry disappear as a result of a few rounds of feminist led re-training, or has it been fading for decades in general? Still to be researched is a possible connection of single parenting, or that of geographical upbringing.  

Sources:
My current research has been a result of a lack of research. Finding others who have posed the same questions has proven to be difficult, if looking beyond blogs and personal websites. It’s possible that this is not such a big issue to most. The two sources mentioned below have helped to begin answering my questions about why there is an absence in classic chivalry, how it is defined today, and who expects it.

The first is an article from Esquire Magazine written by David Pang. It includes his interview with Betty White, actress and all-around awesome lady. He asks her questions on chivalry, and gets some answers that are not in her normal comedic form. Instead, they are built of memories her husband gave her when he demonstrated great chivalry in all situations. Good Stuff.

My second source is a rather short blip featured in the Chicago Tribune. The author meets with Redbook magazine editor Susan Korones-Gifford, who speaks about a telephone survey they gave their readers about feminism and its relationship to chivalry. In a nut-shell, she found that feminism paved the way for chivalry's demise in a way, but that women still expect some degree of it anyway.
I thought that her interview provided some thought provoking questions on feminism as a whole, such as Why the overkill on it, and when is it a fulfilling enough level of equality to just let it go?   

Works Cited:
-Pang, David. “Betty White, Romance Coach”. Esquire Magazine, Web. 04May2011

-“Chivalry Counts”. Chicago Tribune Feature with Redbook Editor Susan Korones-Gifford, 06Nov1994.