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It really seems as if the quintessential Gentleman has become nearly extinct. My question is: Why? More accurately, what factors have influenced the behavioral changes of boys and men over the past few decades to cause a loss in chivalry?
I could immediately assume that it's due to a very electronic and impersonal society, but I'm not sure that is the true culprit. I realize that boys and young men no longer have to worry about face-to-face interaction with girls because of electronic advances and social networking, but I also find it hard to swallow that nobody is teaching these young men to be gentlemen anymore. I can't remember the last time a man held a door for me in a public place, or the last grocery juggling fail that resulted in a guy helping me wrangle oranges in a parking lot. Instead, they watch. It's not that I expect help with things, but these are things I offer help with as a woman; things that men used to be taught as a general rule. They've stopped caring.
I think that many people may have their own opinions on this. They might call it a result of generational numbness, where the practices of respect and manners have lost their importance. They may tell me I'm crazy - chivalry is alive and well in their lives. I think possibly the strongest reason I may hear is that there are more single mothers raising boys today, citing absent role models as the reason.
I would like to research the possible causes of this loss, our beloved gentleman. In particular, I would like to explore any links between single parent households, and conduct a few experiments of my own regarding how far a guy would go to assist me, a stranger. Additionally, I hope to identify the age group in which the manners flew out the window. When did unspoken rules start evolving into something new? Could we be missing a key component while we raise our boys?
I love the topic you choose. Also the pictures you included at the beginning of your blog are a great introduction. I agree with you, I also think there aren't as many gentlemen in our society today. I can't wait to see how you develop your argument. I also think that a lot of it has to do with electronics and social networks. You picked a great topic and so far you have a great blog.
ReplyDeleteBravo on your blog! Working in a high school library, I see all kinds of immature and sometimes idiotic male behavior. I also see it in my 26 year old son. He can be very mature at times, other times I see his selfish side, and what I mean is that he is still immature because he is not ready to share himself with someone else (even though he has a girlfriend). Are boys just taking too darn long to grow up? Who knows.
ReplyDeleteI think the subject of your essay going be very interesting. I agree that the lack of chivalry is due to generational numbness. Young men these days can talk to girls on the computer or by text. This doesn't help them when it comes to face to face communication. When I was younger I had to work up the courage to talk to a girl. I didn't have a computer or phone to chat with. Young men need to be taught at a young how to be a gentleman. If they don't have a dad in their lives, I'm sure their mom could teach them. You might also want to look into how some ladies these days are so independent that they don't want help with their groceries or need a man to open a door for them. I still open doors for ladies. Good luck with your research. I look forward to see what you come up with.
ReplyDeleteI think this topic is going to make for a really good paper. I believe that young men these days don't have the same chivalry as they did back in the day. I think a lot of it has to do with parenting. Maybe they have a single mom who works from sun up to sun down and doesn't have the time to spend with her son. It could be that the friends he decides to hang out with have a bad influence on him. Whatever it is I think it has effected a lot of people such as girlfriends, friends, parents, strangers, and the community.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I love the idea of this paper, what a great topic! I agree with you that there seems to be a lack of gentlemen. I'm a newlywed and married a small town country boy with great manors, and that is how I was raised so I tend to take some of it for granted. I think one of the reasons men have changed so much in the past twenty years or so is due to us woman giving the impression that we don't really need a guy to make it in this world. I think this put the men in a weird spot because it takes that protective nature away from them. I feel this generation of woman has less respect for the opposite gender, so in turn there is a lack of respect from the men. I think training has a lot to do with it as well, in my family it is considered bad manors to not hold the door for a girl,it is an expected thing not a treat. it just goes back to training your children to respect each other and them selves.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like it'll be a good paper. I think that there is a definitive lack of gentlemen in today's society, but the issue is reciprocal from the female sex as well. I guess the argument is which sex is worse about it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it should be extended beyond a gender thing, though. I have really noticed a lack of care and compassion for other people. Late last spring semester, I wrecked my bike rather badly on the CU campus because I went around a corner way too fast. There was only one guy around, and he just kept walking past like nothing happened, leaving me bleeding from road rash on the ground, struggling to get up. Has society really gotten that complacent and uncaring that people can't even give others a simple "are you alright" when they see them get hurt? It really kind of irked me.
I love the idea of this paper!! I have been wondering this same question for so long. I look back at pictures of my grandparents or listen to stories that my grandmother tells me about her and my grandfather growing up. The things he did for her or gave up for her is amazing to me. It is hard to get a guy to simply open a door for a girl anymore. My grandmother taught my brothers right. They still do these things for ladies. She would not have it any other way. She has even threatened to take them out of the will for not be a gentleman.
ReplyDeleteHi all!
ReplyDeleteApologies, I was out of town and not able to respond too well. Thanks for the comments, and I agree with all of you who have said that this issue is likely widespread and dual-gender. What if the problem is that women spent so much time being feminists that men decided to give up, thereby evolutionizing the art of chivalry down to well, no chivalry? Who knows, maybe several culprits have pulled together to kill the gentlemen almost completely... Will advise!
Good point Dylan - I too crashed my bike last summer, and sat on the sidewalk in recovery mode (trying to figure out why I just saw ground-sky-ground-sky) and there must have been 20 cars that slowed down, saw me bleeding and dazed, and went on. It's not like I required a helicopter, but it was annoying that so many people just wanted to slow up and stare at the bloody girl. Nobody thought to actually STOP. That of course would require 60 seconds of precious time, devoted to a mere stranger. Perish the thought....
ReplyDeleteI've seen a few people mention the female independence angle here. I have to agree on that somewhat. I imagine if I were a guy, and my girlfriend were super independent, I might be hesitant to do the little things for fear of aggravating her or making her feel insulted by such old-fashioned gestures. I really think that this stuff started to become invisible in the 1960's and 1970's, when women decided that they had something to prove. I had an entire career in a "man's field", so I'm no exception to the showing of feminist ability movement. I just don't know where it was decided that I couldn't have my cake and eat it too! WHY can't I do a guy's job, and still expect simple courtesy? Too much?
I don't think it's too much. All ladies should expect simple courtesy. It's too bad they don't get it enough.
DeleteI do expect simple courtesy, but you're right, it's disappearing. More and more I am noticing as I go through a door and hold it for the person behind me, they just walk through like I'm the doorman (or doorperson?) and the don't even say 'thank you.' When someone holds the door for me, I sort of grab the door so they don't have to continue holding it in an awkward position and always say thanks, whether it's a guy or girl. Sometimes I feel like I'll be a feeble old woman still holding doors for people!
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