In the End....

Good 'ol Rosie

We've come to my final blog post. At the beginning of this project, I wondered why there seems to be such a huge decline in chivalry as a whole. What made it run screaming back to the last century? Lazy guys, a lack of traditional manners lessons from parents? Then I thought that maybe the cause was a single parent issue.

As it turns out, the cause seems to be none of the above. Partway through the research, I discovered two things: there's not a wealth of information out there on the subject, and the information that is available suggests that feminism did away with chivalry. It was a bit of an a-ha moment for me, because it does make perfect sense. Ironically, the blog that set out to figure out why women don't see a bunch of guys going out of their way for their comfort and welfare anymore turned out to be a blog about how we screwed that up for 40 years straight.

I've asked my own fella his thoughts on this. I gave him a choice: did chivalry spasm out and flat-line because the young man is a self absorbed lazy creature with no real influences left with which to learn from? Or, did women decide that feminism was a point to be proven, not realizing that men would dump us in the dust for fear of losing a limb?
He responded: "It died in part with feminism. But I don't think it's completely gone; it's very situational. But ya, you guys beat it into us for so long, if I see a woman struggling with something I'll help - unless she's powering down the sidewalk on a mission with a death look in her eyes. Then I cross the street!"

It's funny how many how many theories I went through before I rested on my own gender as the responsible party. I can totally see it though - millions of women saw an opportunity with the influx of their presence in the workplace to assert themselves elsewhere. An "I can do it myself" and "I don't need a man" initiative was launched to cut the ties between the perceptions of the time. One of my sources for this post was a survey I presented on Facebook.(Survey) Of the responses, an overwhelming number agrees that feminism did indeed kill chivalry, although not an intended casualty. You can see the survey results below. Feel free to take it, and see the results when you're done!


My Survey 

My second source is my absolute favorite in this project. It sums up what I have been thinking, and that is: Do women really want to sacrifice the pleasures of someone taking care of them for an illusion of equality? Equal by whose definition? And for how long?
The periodical is written by Kathleen Parker for Newsweek. (Parker) It goes deeper on the issue, suggesting that women have had it all wrong for decades, and "instead of trying to be equal to men, we've been trying to be men. Like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole." (Parker) She also talks about a trip she was on in Abu Dhabi, where she met with middle eastern women who told her that it seems that American women enjoy being women less than they do. There's an eye opener.

I'm a sort of feminist myself, where workplace is concerned. Not the "I am woman hear me roar" type, but I spent a lot of years in a male dominated job. A few saw my presence as nothing more than changing society, others would verbalize their outrage at such a stupid thing. I called it the sudden death of the good-ol-boys club. Eventually we would all be friends, because my mission wasn't to prove that I could do what they do, it was to have the opportunity to do what I loved; if they would have me. It's all about attitude.

For one department I was hired into, I was their first female firefighter.
That was a nervous first shift for sure - 18 men from barely shaving to silver scruff looked silently down the truck bay at me that first morning, while I made the longest walk of my life 200 feet to the time clock. Turns out the chief had told them the new guy was starting that morning. He failed to mention the new guy was a girl. Oh, the phones must have been blowing up all day....

Turns out we had a great time on our shift together. They taught me how to rope a fire hydrant from a moving wheelie-chair between fires and heart attacks, and I taught them to bake. That was Oklahoma 12 years ago, and I still keep in contact with a lot of them now. New Guy Acceptance Mission: Accomplished.

I really think that we as women need to re-think how we view independence. Of course we all want to be seen as the smart, capable little things that we are, but a bit of Fred Astaire never killed a girl.  I'm the epitome of women doing things women don't do, yet I absolutely love when my husband opens the car door for me, pulls out my chair, and insists on carrying everything. He's a good catch - the genuine article, a Fred Astaire. Can't we have our own identity and still enjoy a little good ol' fashioned chivalry? Yes, Please!

We also don't need to be this

We don't need to be this

Sources:
-Survey. "Do you think that the feminist movement starting in the 1970's contributed to the decline and eventual death of chivalry?"  created at SurveyMonkey.com. Web. Amy Grice. 2012

-Parker, Kathleen. "Born again Feminism." Newsweek. 00289604, Vol. 157, Issue 11. Web. 14Mar2011

The New Rosie

Blame Game: Polyester Feminists under the Disco Ball

Did feminism kill chivalry? I think it's not just possible, but likely. I've been sifting through research for hours, trying to find some guy's opinion on the matter. Seems they only have an opinion via video, so that's what we're going with today.
This leads my mind to wonder, just as I did in the beginning: Is this a "thing" anyway? Then I saw YouTube. Jackpot.

My husband is a pretty chivalrous guy. He doesn't go out of his way to baby me like a princess, but he generally acts like a gentleman. He opens doors, walks on the street side of the sidewalk, (okay, that's because I'm a car magnet) and he always does the little things like waiting for me to order first in a restaurant, steps ahead to open doors, and helps me put my jacket on if he happens to walk by while I'm chasing a sleeve in circles. I figured we had done something right when I saw my son dash ahead of a woman at a store and open the door for her. (Win!)
We've not hit him over the head with chivalry training, so I suppose he has learned by example, which is cool. Especially when Mom's a bit of an "I'll do it myself" chick.

If feminism killed chivalry, it was surely unintentional. The question is, how bad is the damage? From what I've seen, it's like a train wreck. On a hillside. During a firestorm. However, my views have changed from an assumption that men today are oblivious to common courtesies to one where I totally understand the confusion and in some cases, simple absence of example. The feminist movement began in the 1970's, and those chicks weren't kidding. The pants-suit revolution that followed ultimately paved the way for big things, such as women in combat, equality in pay, and a curious but awesome creature now known as the Stay at Home Dad. Do we need a new movement to un-do the tightly wound spring of  feminism?








Sources:

My sources for this blog post were reached in the wee hours of the morning, while the dog snored and people started peddling useless objects on tv in the other room. I mention this because in the beginning, I did a quick search on Google and was bombarded with more material than I could ever dream of on the subject of deceased chivalry practices. This was followed by reality; once the rules of engagement were clear, (No Google) I was left with about 3 articles, and two of them were written sometime around the start of The Civil War, or the birth-date of Nancy Pelosi, whichever is older. This post was the lucky recipient of video clips, because it seemed to be the only source I could find on the issue among young males.

The first video is from an Aussie chap obviously well ahead of his years in the art of chivalry, with the sense of humor box checked. I think that his video is a good example of a young guy aiming at other young guys. Most men older than him would likely find this information to be nothing new. At any rate - still a cute little thing with a good message.(Some Casual guy)

The second video features a woman named Christina Hoff-Sommers, who answers the Feminism vs. Chivalry debate with simple logic. (Sommers) She seems to have a fairly well thought out view on feminism and chivalry, that lends a hand to all of those poor confused guys out there. I think she's right - let's not confuse them.

The last video is another male point of view. Unlike the young Australian kid, he seems to draw from a ton of experience on being schooled by the feminist. This guy seems a bit on edge, and I would be willing to bet he has not a single ounce of love lost for the feministic female. Sounds like he's been slapped across the mug a few times, but he echoes what the woman in the above source says: WAKE UP and smell the chivalry ladies! Severe and tragic cases of feminism have the direct result of men not sure how to act. We clearly cannot have our cake and eat it too. (Chapin)
Enjoy.


This young fella knows what he's talking about...

A lady's point of view.

This guy is pretty passionate about feminists...(starts after first 45 seconds)



Works Cited: 

-Some Casual Guy, Upload. "How to be a 21st Century Gentleman." YouTube. YouTube, 19May2008

-Sommers, Christina Hoff. "Chivalry and Feminists." YouTube. YouTube, 18July2008

-Chapin, Bernard. "Chivalry or Feminism?" YouTube. YouTube, 22Sept2011  

So what the heck do we want, anyway?

It could be said that we live in such a modern feminism-based society that women don’t care about chivalry anymore. I for one would argue that notion, as would many women. In an interview with Esquire Magazine, Actress Betty White said:

“If you're walking with your lady on the sidewalk, I still like to see a man walking street-side, to protect the lady from traffic. I grew up with that, and I hate to see something like that get lost. I still like to see that a man opens the door. I like those touches of chivalry that are fast disappearing.” (qtd. By David Pang, Esquire)

Now, Betty White is the grand matriarch of everything in my opinion. A lady of great humor; humble and wise all at the same time. She said it, so it must be true for all women, right?  Not so fast. There is one question that remains to be answered and defined before chivalry in its true form could ever be revived, and that is: Do we want it?

There is a modern mess of feminism alive and well today, light years removed from the angry screaming feminists of the mid century.  Our mothers and grandmothers demanded equal pay, equal and fair treatment.  They abandoned the skirt, burned the bras, and wanted to be on the level of every man in their lives, whether colleague or husband. The truth is, this is 2012 and we have transcended such basic needs through accomplishment. Today, a woman doesn’t demand equality or to be taken seriously because we’ve achieved that. Today a woman demands something far more complex. We don’t need a man. We demand more independence, and many women even choose to raise children on their own. We have degrees, personal incomes, and a sense of freedom unmatched by previous generations. We are fearless and self-providing and we don’t need a man for anything! We have MOXIE, gentlemen. Oh, and could you please open that door for me?

SAY WHAT?

It’s no wonder that men today are utterly confused. We tell them to leave us to our own outstanding devices in the same breath in which we demand the common courtesies of yester-year. In a poll conducted by Redbook Magazine featured in an editorial of the Chicago Tribune, over 500 women were asked “Are feminism and chivalry compatible?”  Four out of five of those polled believed that men should still be opening doors for women.  Susan Korones-Gifford, articles editor at Redbook answers: "Feminists are focusing on bigger issues, but that doesn't mean that men shouldn't open doors for women, or women for men. It's just polite. Manners should transcend gender." (“Chivalry Counts”)

So what do women expect? The question is dicey, given the fact that a range of factors may influence the presence or absence of chivalry from one man to the next.  It seems that the biggest surprise I have found to date in my research is that women still want chivalrous men, yet too much is, well, too much. Where does she draw the line in the sand, and how the heck is a man supposed to decipher it?
The answer still requires a military-grade descrambling device, but so far I think that a woman still wants to be treated like a lady, regardless of her stance on feminism or independence. Did chivalry disappear as a result of a few rounds of feminist led re-training, or has it been fading for decades in general? Still to be researched is a possible connection of single parenting, or that of geographical upbringing.  

Sources:
My current research has been a result of a lack of research. Finding others who have posed the same questions has proven to be difficult, if looking beyond blogs and personal websites. It’s possible that this is not such a big issue to most. The two sources mentioned below have helped to begin answering my questions about why there is an absence in classic chivalry, how it is defined today, and who expects it.

The first is an article from Esquire Magazine written by David Pang. It includes his interview with Betty White, actress and all-around awesome lady. He asks her questions on chivalry, and gets some answers that are not in her normal comedic form. Instead, they are built of memories her husband gave her when he demonstrated great chivalry in all situations. Good Stuff.

My second source is a rather short blip featured in the Chicago Tribune. The author meets with Redbook magazine editor Susan Korones-Gifford, who speaks about a telephone survey they gave their readers about feminism and its relationship to chivalry. In a nut-shell, she found that feminism paved the way for chivalry's demise in a way, but that women still expect some degree of it anyway.
I thought that her interview provided some thought provoking questions on feminism as a whole, such as Why the overkill on it, and when is it a fulfilling enough level of equality to just let it go?   

Works Cited:
-Pang, David. “Betty White, Romance Coach”. Esquire Magazine, Web. 04May2011

-“Chivalry Counts”. Chicago Tribune Feature with Redbook Editor Susan Korones-Gifford, 06Nov1994.

Those crazy European Fellas....

Okay, so a quick post I thought would be fun to mention; nothing formal, just some observations.
I just returned from Europe, where I couldn't help but notice something...
European guys for the most part have not lost their ability to open doors and demonstrate respect. Wish I didn't see that! Now I'm convinced that it's just American guys. Hmph.
Here's a rough tally based on a few nationalities I encountered:

Spanish Guys: SUPER awesome, very cordial, insist on ladies first. (Kudos)
French Guys: SUPER arrogant, with a few exceptions. (France sucked)
England: 50/50, but generally very nice, with chivalry alive and well.

Again, totally useless information - but interesting tidbits to pick up by accident. :)

Feast your Eyes

motivatedphotos.com

The photo above speaks to me about what a guy would do for a lady. Never mind she's in the same uniform, or appears to be in the "same boat" as them; she still deserves some chivalry, no matter how outrageous.

I think that it's a bit overkill in the demonstrative department, although it is cool to look at. Would a bunch of guys really do this? No - the whole group of them would walk down 30 feet where that mud puddle is standard run of the mill mud, and walk across. But you know - this is just more fun.

Bloom65.com

Here's what not to do, guys. A leisurely stroll while your woman hauls six cases of beer doesn't make you the man...it makes you an idiot. Just sayin.
I'm sure that no guy would really do this to his lady friend. I smell a gross exaggeration! No matter - it's great propaganda for me.
This photo may be set up, it may be real. Either way, does this guy look like someone Mom would want to meet? I didn't think so either.

www.experienceproject.com

This guy here seems to have the right idea. Is she still going to get soaked? Yes. Will he fill those boots with rain from mother earth? Yes. It's the gesture that counts, attempting to carry his girl while simultaneously shielding her from the rain. I don't see any houses in sight - looks like this guy has a way to go,  and she won't likely forget it!
I think this shot is the real deal, and either friends of the couples shot a quick photo while they mocked and laughed, or someone was just so struck by the lengths this guy will go to for her that they just had to document it. 

The Big Question

 

 www.leakysquid.com

It really seems as if the quintessential Gentleman has become nearly extinct. My question is: Why? More accurately, what factors have influenced the behavioral changes of boys and men over the past few decades to cause a loss in chivalry?
I could immediately assume that it's due to a very electronic and impersonal society, but I'm not sure that is the true culprit. I realize that boys and young men no longer have to worry about face-to-face interaction with girls because of electronic advances and social networking, but I also find it hard to swallow that nobody is teaching these young men to be gentlemen anymore. I can't remember the last time a man held a door for me in a public place, or the last grocery juggling fail that resulted in a guy helping me wrangle oranges in a parking lot. Instead, they watch. It's not that I expect help with things, but these are things I offer help with as a woman; things that men used to be taught as a general rule. They've stopped caring.

I think that many people may have their own opinions on this. They might call it a result of generational numbness, where the practices of respect and manners have lost their importance. They may tell me I'm crazy - chivalry is alive and well in their lives. I think possibly the strongest reason I may hear is that there are more single mothers raising boys today, citing absent role models as the reason. 

I would like to research the possible causes of this loss, our beloved gentleman.  In particular, I would like to explore any links between single parent households, and conduct a few experiments of my own regarding how far a guy would go to assist me, a stranger. Additionally, I hope to identify the age group in which the manners flew out the window. When did unspoken rules start evolving into something new? Could we be missing a key component while we raise our boys?